Outrageous Success of 'Cocaine Bear' Paves the Way for Rip-Roaring Sequel: 'Cocaine Chihuahua'
In an absolutely unforeseen twist of cinematic fate, Hollywood has announced the development of an unexpected sequel to the critically-acclaimed film “Cocaine Bear.” Get ready to buckle up for another wild ride as we journey from the deep woods to the bustling urban landscapes for “Cocaine Chihuahua.”
This follows the announcement by the studio that ‘Cocaine Bear’ broke all box office records, even beating out Avengers: Infinity War as the top-grossing film of all time. Riding on the snorting success, the creative masterminds behind the original film are already working tirelessly on the sequel.
“Cocaine Chihuahua” is set to follow the same hard-hitting, gut-wrenching, and mind-bogglingly absurd narrative approach. In this new chapter, instead of a 175-pound bear in rural Georgia, audiences will follow the plight of a 5-pound chihuahua in downtown Los Angeles that stumbles upon a burrito stuffed with illegal narcotics. It promises to deliver the same kind of gritty, unexpected humor that had audiences howling during “Cocaine Bear.”
Screenwriter, P.T. Schnozzle, spoke excitedly about the film at a press conference yesterday. “We wanted to show the universality of the drug issue,” Schnozzle said. “And what better way than with a Chihuahua in LA? Plus, everyone knows Chihuahuas are inherently hilarious.”
Hollywood insiders have revealed that A-list actor, Sir Patrick Stewart, is being courted to voice the chihuahua protagonist, Chico, with Danny DeVito rumored to be the voice of a cantankerous, world-weary squirrel sidekick.
Casting decisions have been met with some controversy. Animal rights activists have expressed concerns about the well-being of the chihuahua in question. However, the studio has reassured everyone that the “cocaine” in the movie is a safe, flour-based substitute and that the chihuahua in question has completed rehab and is living comfortably with Sir Patrick Stewart.
While we eagerly await the release of “Cocaine Chihuahua,” it’s safe to say that the new wave of Narcotics-themed Animal Cinema (NTAC) has made a huge impact on the industry. So, get your popcorn ready, because Chico the Chihuahua is ready to take the cinematic world by storm!
“Cocaine Chihuahua” is scheduled for release in the summer of 2024. Viewer discretion is advised due to excessive chihuahua cuteness and scenes of a squirrel with a New Jersey accent arguing about the merits of almond versus peanut butter.