Revolutionary Breakthrough: Middle-American Couple Unveils Game-Changing 96 Position
LITTLE ROCK, AR — John and Jane Smith, a perfectly average couple from the heart of Arkansas, known for their commitment to 401(k)s, weekly grocery shopping lists, and missionary position, shocked the nation last Thursday when they announced the discovery of a new sexual position, innocently dubbed the “96”.
First believed to be a typo, the “96” has now gained momentum as a legitimate maneuver in the bedroom, causing a stir in the usually sedate world of vanilla intercourse.
“This all started because John couldn’t find his glasses,” shared Jane, a part-time librarian and full-time fan of Nicholas Sparks’ novels. “We were just about to settle into our usual 9 PM lovemaking schedule when John fumbled around and somehow ended up parallel to me, but facing in the opposite direction.”
“We both laid there, my feet by his head, his by mine. There was a lot of confusion initially,” John explained. “But then it hit me—this was not the usual 69, it was something different, something… completely new.”
This moment of confusion and a misplaced pair of spectacles led to a complete upheaval of the Smiths’ sexual routine. Rather than panicking, they found that the “96”, as they’ve christened it, has a number of unexpected benefits. It has been hailed as a unique blend of intimacy, mutual respect, and minimal exertion, offering quality bonding time without the complexities of a traditional sexual encounter.
“It’s just so darn comfortable,” confessed John. “We can chat about our day, listen to the nightly news, and I can even scratch Jane’s feet. It’s a win-win.”
As news of the groundbreaking “96” spread, vanilla couples nationwide started exploring the not-so-wild side of this new sexual discovery. Clinical sexologists and relationship experts have lauded the Smiths’ innovation, asserting that this could revolutionize ‘Netflix and chill’ forever.
“The ‘96’ is a testament to the fact that sexual innovation isn’t always about getting kinkier or more acrobatic,” said renowned sex therapist Dr. Linda Henderson. “Sometimes it’s just about getting more comfortable and sharing a few laughs.”
Meanwhile, the adult entertainment industry has expressed mixed reactions. Veteran pornstar Dirk Diggler, 58, commented, “I wish I knew about this during my career. Could’ve saved a fortune in back pain treatments.”
On the other end of the spectrum, luxury mattress companies are cashing in on the “96” craze, advertising their products as “The Best for 96ing.”
As the “96” continues its ascendancy into the annals of vanilla sexual lore, John and Jane Smith remain grounded. “We just hope to inspire other couples like us,” says Jane. “Don’t be afraid of making mistakes in the bedroom. You might end up making history instead.”
John added, “And always keep your glasses on the bedside table. That’s the real lesson here.”