Busy High School Teacher Admits She Doesn't Have Time to Promote The Gay Agenda

In a heartfelt press conference held in the shadow of her overflowing lesson planner, Brenda Weathers, a high school teacher from Dayton, Ohio, made a somber announcement: Despite the unfounded fears of some local parents, she simply does not have the time to teach students to be gay.

“As much as I would love to adhere to the alleged ‘Gay Agenda’ while simultaneously teaching algebra, mentoring the chess club, marking essays, and maintaining my own sanity, I regretfully admit that there are only 24 hours in a day,” said Weathers, 47, holding up her tattered, highlighter-smeared academic calendar to a crowd of confused reporters.

Weathers, an educator for over two decades, specializes in Mathematics and is revered for her distinct ability to make students understand complex concepts. However, she became an unexpected focus of controversy when a small group of parents expressed concerns that she might secretly be instructing their children in “the ways of homosexuality.”

“I’m already cramming Pythagoras, quadratic equations, and logarithms into their brains,” Weathers continued, frowning at her agenda. “If I add in a ‘Gay Conversion 101’ module, it would probably be at the expense of ‘Lunch Break’ or ‘Please Let Ms. Weathers Have Five Minutes of Peace.’”

In response to the escalating rumors, the local Parent-Teacher Association (PTA) held an emergency meeting to address these allegations. Susan, PTA chairperson and mother of three, expressed her profound confusion at the proceedings.

“I’m just trying to figure out when Brenda has the time,” she commented while scrolling through her overpacked email inbox. “The woman can’t even drink her coffee while it’s hot.”

Across town, students had mixed reactions to the news. Some were shocked, like Timmy, who believed being taught to be gay was part of the Common Core Standards. Others, like Ashley, felt let down. “I thought we were going to learn about all aspects of life. You know, maths, science, geography, and apparently ‘being gay.’ But, alas, seems like we’ll just have to settle for Maths for now.”

At the conclusion of her press conference, Weathers reiterated her commitment to her true teaching agenda. “I promise to keep doing my job: encouraging young minds to ask questions, seek knowledge, and find their own identities,” she said. “Even if that doesn’t include explicit lessons on how to be gay.”

As the conference closed, Weathers left the attendees with one final thought, a gentle reminder to the concerned parents: “And just to be clear, being gay isn’t a curriculum subject. It’s not contagious. It’s a part of a person’s identity. I suggest that if you’re worried about your kid ‘turning gay,’ you should probably just talk to them about sexuality instead of blaming their math teacher.”